A Final Word

So how do I close a journey that has consumed so much of my life?  I have been putting off this final post for a while but it's time to really close this chapter of my life.  Like most things in life, although you move on, there is part of you that will always be with you.  Of course I have my scar on my belly that gets smaller and smaller.  But I also have changed as a person as well.  As much as I hated hearing the advice, "Ride the Wave" a year ago, it has become a mantra for me.  I have developed more patience and become more flexible and less scheduled.  Of course I have learned to appreciate all the people and things in my life much more than I ever have before.  I think I have always tried to live life to the fullest but now, those words mean so much more.  My grandmother used to always tell me, "It's later than you think."  I really get it now.

There are lots of things that haven't changed either.  I still love to be outside and active.  I still don't enjoy reading, no matter how much I try.  My tastes in foods haven't changed either.  I still love Bruce Springsteen and Van Morrison.  And of course, I still love being near the water.

So, now it's time to to move forward but never forgetting where I have been.  Time to get ready for whatever else will come my way in life, appreciating all the ups and downs that will come.  And most importantly, time to really enjoy life again.

Thank you for all the support I have received over the last year.  Knowing that help or a smile was just a phone call away made traveling this journey so much easier.  I will never forget the support and I am so grateful for the friendships that have grown even stronger.

See you at the pool!

Strolling Along

Well, it's been almost two weeks since my surgery.  I apologize for not updating the blog as planned.  The last 2 weeks didn't go as I had planned!

My surgery went extremely well despite having to be at the hospital at 4:45 in the morning.  Everything went well in pre-op.  I was rolled into the OR, moved to the table, felt a sharp pain in my IV and I was out.  Next thing I knew I was in recovery feeling pain where my ostomy once was.  I actually asked the nurse more than once if the surgery was successful.  She assured me I no longer had an ileostomy and all was well.

Upon arriving at my room in the hospital, the nursing staff informed me that I had to walk to my bed.  The doctor wasn't kidding that I would be up and moving around as well as having clear liquids the night of surgery.  I ran into a small issue not being able to urinate so I ended up with a foley cather before the day was over.  I wasn't happy about this as I couldn't wear pants!

The next couple of days were filled with ups and downs.  Sometimes I felt great and other times I had pain or just didn't feel well.  Finally on Sunday morning around 3 am my bowels started working and well, didn't stop for several hours!  I knew it was going to be a challenge to learn to go potty again but I didn't think it would be that bad.

Despite being able to move my bowels, I was having lots of trouble feeling bloated and having pain after eating.  I called my distended stomach, lovingly, "Budda Belly".  Budda Belly would come and go over the next couple of days.  It was a bit disheartening for me because I thought I was going to go home on Sunday.  Finally on Tuesday evening I negotiated a deal with the surgeon regarding how much I had to eat without pain medication to go home.

Finally on Wednesday afternoon I was discharged from the hospital.  I was so happy to go home and sleep without interuptions and eat good food.  The first order of business upon arriving home was to take a very long hot shower.  Ahh, the shower felt so good.  In fact it felt so good that I then took a 3 hour nap afterwards!

Thursday I was a bit sore and happy to just sit around and watch TV and play silly games on my iPad.  By Friday, I was up and moving around and feeling well.  I ran to the store to pick up some clothes to fit my Budda Belly and then I was off to the Pirates game.  Each day I was feeling better and better.  My biggest challenge was to not do anything.  You see, I am not allowed to do anything by stroll until the beginning of August.  That means no cycling, yoga, kayaking, swimming or golf.  All that is left is to stroll.  I can appreciate the restrictions as to avoid getting a hernia but I don't know how to fill my time!  Most of my activies are physical in nature and being held back is killing me!

Tuesday I went back to work.  I know it was less than two weeks since my surgery but I was going crazy at home.  If I can't do physical activies, at least let me use my mind!  I was back in the swing of things very quickly at work.  Thankfully nothing blew up in my absence.  By the end of the day, I will admit I was tired and required a long nap when I got home but it was good to be amongst the living again.

So, now I just have this hole in my abdomen that has to heal.  The surgeon left it open to close.  They tell me it will take about 2 weeks to close.  Until it closes I can't go in the water so I'm anxious for it to heal over.  I am going to Jamaica in just 2 weeks!

The journey is really winding down.  Yesterday I was even having trouble believing that at one time, I had an ileostomy.  I have my post op appointment with my surgeon on Monday and when I return from Jamiaca, one last visit with the oncologist.  I'm hoping he will give me the clearance to have my port removed and really be done.  It's hard to believe the year has gone by.  At times I felt I just couldn't see the end of the tunnel and now I can't believe it has been a year already!

Ready at Last

Well, tonight is the night. I wrapped up everything I possibly could at work. My apartment is clean and the laundry is done. My bag is packed. The only thing left to do is to relax and get to bed early. I guess this could be a time of reflection of the last 11 months but it's not. It could be a time to look to my life ahead but it's not. Tonight is about just relaxing and resting for the days to come. There will be plenty of time for thinking. It is hard to believe that this journey is coming to an end. It feels like just yesterday I was diagnosed. I know so much has happened but to be honest, I don't remember much. I guess I can blame chemo brain! I am sure the next couple of weeks will pass by and not remember much either as I am back into the swing of things. I will have a guest blogger for a few days until I am back home and staring at the four walls of my apartment wondering what to do with myself while recovering!

The Final Countdown Begins!

Yesterday was an interesting day.  I can't think of a better word to describe it without being negative and that's just not my style.  I had a test called a Gastrografin.  It was awful.  I don't wish it on my worst enemy.  The test was uncomfortable and the after effects were really not pleasant.  I won't go into details but it made it seem like a colonoscopy is a walk in the park.  On the positive side, I have no leaks in my intestines so I am ready to have the reversal!

After the test, I went to see the surgeon for my pre-op appointment.  That appointment went very well.  It was very exciting for me.  There is no prep for the surgery which is great.  Clear liquids for the day before surgery but I can handle that.  Rita's counts as clear liquids!  I will be in the hospital 3 nights and will be able to return to my normal activities as I feel up to it.  They said they would approve me for 4 weeks off from work but you know I will be back in less than two.  I can't sit home that long.  I will have to take care of my wound where my stoma was.  They let it close on it's own so I will have an open wound for a week or so.  I'm sure it will heal quickly.

Life after surgery will be interesting.  It will take a couple of weeks for my body to get used to things being back to normal.  The surgeon told me to be patient and kind to myself.  He is sure in a couple of weeks that things will be normal and I will be on my way with my usual busy life.  I have to modify my diet for the first two weeks with low fiber diet.  There could be some swelling and he doesn't want anything to get stuck like the last time.  Of course that diet doesn't help with making going to the bathroom normal but I will deal with it.

So, now it's just 2 weeks away until my surgery.  The countdown has started (well it started a while ago) but the official countdown has started!

Cancer Free!

I received great news today.  I am officially cancer free!  I beat cancer!  I am a cancer survivor!  The news hasn't quite set in yet.  I worried all day today waiting for my results.  When my doctor said the CT Scan was clear I was so elated.  Words just can't express how I feel yet.  Now just one little surgery and this journey will come to an end.

I have been trying to get back to my old self.  I played 9 holes of golf last Thursday, went on two bike rides this past weekend and swam this morning.  Granted, I am really out of shape and it's going to take me a while to get back where I was but I am happy to be doing my activities again.  I can not wait to kayak on Wednesday morning.  I love to be out on the river early in the morning when all is quiet.  So exciting.

I do want to spend the next three and a half weeks before surgery trying to get in good shape.  After all, I have to be able to beat the grannies around the hallway.  I can't let them beat me!  Besides that, I think I will just do better under anesthesia and recovering if I am in good shape.  Granted, I won't be in great shape but I think good shape will cut it.

It was tough for me on Sunday during my ride with Venture Outdoors to be the slowest one in the group.  I have never been the slowest before.  It was a big piece of humble pie to eat.  I kept having to remind myself that I wasn't even out 2 weeks from chemo and I need to cut myself a break.  I did much better swimming this morning knowing I wouldn't be able to do the workout with my teammates.  But you just watch out, come the end of the summer, I know I will be back to my old self and preparing for my big bike vacation in the southern outer banks.

One Step Closer

I had my last chemo treatment yesterday.  It was a great day.  I was nervous that my blood levels would not be good enough but they were.  The nurses started to do a dance in the hallway they were so excited.  I was excited too.  As much as I dreaded getting chemo and not feeling well, I just wanted to be done.  I was able to have a great weekend feeling well and knowing that I'll be feeling well again made it OK. 

I was also able to get my surgery scheduled.  I actually called for the appointment as I was sitting getting my chemo.  I'm all set for June 14.  It's just a little over 5 months away.  It's hard to believe that this journey will soon be over.  I'm am super excited to get my life back and pursue the things I love again.  I miss swimming and hiking and kayaking and cycling so much.  I can't wait to jump back in the pool in a couple of weeks and take a nice ride on the trails.

Good to Go for Monday

Yesterday I went to the dermatologist to figure out what the mysterious red spots were.  Well, they didn't know what they were either.  They decided to do a biopsy just to make sure all was OK.  I told the doctor she could do whatever treatment she wanted as long as she cleared me for chemo on Monday.  She told me she has never had a patient who actually wanted chemo treatment.  Once I explained it was the last one, she understood and cleared me.

I had a punch biopsy of one of the spots on my neck.  I don't really think it was necessary as the spots are fading but if that's what it took to be cleared for chemo then so be it.  It didn't hurt much.  I got numbed up and the 2 stitches were in before I knew it.  I'll go back next week to have the stitches out so no biggie.  I'm a professional with using Glad Press and Seal to cover wounds so even my shower was easy today.

So now I just need to hope that my platelets are high enough on Monday to get my last treatment.  I'm hoping these 5 extra days make the difference.  Hopefully Monday I will have my chemo, be disconnected on Wednesday and be done with this phase of treatment.  Then it's just the reversal surgery and I am done.  I can't wait.  If I get my chemo on Monday I will be calling the surgeon's office to get a date for my surgery while getting chemo!