Fat Tuesday and Lent

    It has been a long standing tradition in my family to have ice cream on Fat Tuesday.  This wasn't just an ordinary bowl of ice cream, but the deluxe sundae, preferably from Friendly's.  Unfortunately, ice cream is something I can't eat right now but that was not going to hinder me from indulging on Fat Tuesday!  Instead, I had chocolaty, marshmallowy, melty goodness!  This 5 minute cake in a mug was the next best thing to ice cream.  It was so rich and yummy I had to share my dessert!  Delicious!

    I have been debating for some time about Lent and if I should give up something.  I take Lent quite serious and have given up things like Jack Daniels, soda, Starbucks Hot Chocolate and M&M's.  With everything going on this year, I think God will let me off the hook.  After all, when my brother got married, the priest said a prayer and magically we were allowed to eat meat on a Friday during Lent!

    I think the thing that appeals to me most about Lent is the count down.  I will say advent is a little better with counting down.  How can it be bad to count the days to Christmas with a chocolate treat to go along with it everyday!  But seriously, I have been doing a lot of countdowns lately.  I have a great friend that sends me a daily e-mail counting down to the end of this journey.  I have another good friend that reminded me that I'm not just 37% through chemo, but 37.5%!  And it just happens that the Pittsburgh marathon is 4 days after my last treatment.  So, as I increasingly hear news and the countdown to the marathon, I know come that day, I will be done with chemo. 

    So, Lent is just another opportunity to do some counting.  Do I really need another countdown?  Why not?  There are no rules about how to get through chemo and if counting is helping, why not?  I won't be giving up anything for Lent but I will be helping my friends who are giving up things to countdown.  And for me, I'll be 75% through chemo on Easter Sunday!  I always thought Mr. Snuffleupagus was my favorite Sesame Street character but perhaps it was The Count!

Not Really Complaining

I've never really been a complainer.  I feel like it just highlights the bad and doesn't help any.  I know as I go through this journey I have every right to complain, but I don't think I have much.  I know for others complaining is helpful and gets all the negative feelings out.  Not for me though.

I couple little things have been bothering me though.  They aren't life changing or a big deal but they have been bringing me down a bit.  I feel like the mental part of this journey is just as important as the treatments and the physical aspects.  As these little things were dragging me down, I decided to address them yesterday.

One issue that has been bothersome is my teeth.  As frequently as I brushed them during the day, my mouth always felt dirty and had a bad taste.  I know that one of the side effects of the chemo is mouth sores but this was different.  A friend of mine and I go to the same dentist.  He just happened to be going yesterday and asked the dentist about what I can do.  My dentist provided a sample of Biotene toothpaste and mouthwash because I apparently have a dry mouth.  With just the first use last night I noticed a huge difference.  My teeth have not felt this clean in weeks and I didn't have to get up in the middle of the night to get a drink.  Today, I don't feel like I have bad breath and no film is developing on me teeth.  One issue solved!

The second issue is that my nose is always runny.  I don't have a cold and I'm not sick.  Apparently the chemo causes increased secretions (which I don't understand the dry mouth issue).  Anyway, my nose is getting a little sore from blowing it.  I have found that taking Sudafed does the trick.  I only take it during the day when I am working or out doing something as I don't want to take it all the time.  But, it dries me up and lets me enjoy my day and give my nose a break.

Finally, my complection has changed.  The chemo has caused my freckles to be out like they are in the summer.  I also noticed my foundation just hasn't been providing me the coverage I am used to.  So, I went to the Clinque counter yesterday and had a consultation.  They assigned me to a breast cancer survivor who went through many of my same issues so it was good to talk with someone who really understood what I was going through.  After some trial and error, we found some products that I was happy with the way I looked.  Of course while I was there, I had all my make up done for fun.

I can't tell you how much better I feel today with these little issues resolved very quickly.  So, was I complaining?  I'm not sure.  I would prefer to label it as addressing the issues.  Either way, I'm glad I took care of what was bothering me because it's made a huge difference in my mood.  And I guess if there is ever a time, that I'm going to deal with little things that bother me, this is the time!

Brrr!!!!!

Wow!  People weren't kidding when they mentioned the sensitivity to cold with FOLFOX.  Yikes!  It's not the best timing to be having my chemo in February in Pittsburgh.  Winter has finally arrived and has made getting outside a big problem for me.  Since this was a post chemo weekend, I didn't have plans except to rest at home.  I am sure glad those were my plans.  We had about 4-6 inches of snow this weekend from Friday - Sunday.  Me, I stayed inside from the time I got home from work on Friday until this morning when I had to go to work.  Just breathing the cold air takes my breath away and my fingers and toes immediately begin to tingle with even the slightest feeling of coldness.  And well, cold beverages, they are unbearable too.  But it's winter in Pittsburgh.  What's better than hot chocolate, hot soup, and warm dinners?  Crescent Rolls are calling my name!

I keep thinking that even though this coldness is tough to bear, I would be more upset if this was happening during the summer.  I couldn't imagine sitting poolside in the warm summer sun, sipping hot tea.  Yuck!  Even worse, I love to be outside.  I would have hated for it to have been a warm summer weekend with BBQs and pool time and me not feeling well.  No, as much as the coldness is a real pain (literally), it sure beats missing out on summertime fun.  I got my eyes on the prize, and that's warm sunny weekends all summer long!

Besides the sensitivity to cold, my biggest issue right now is just having a sour stomach.  I'm not nauseous and it's not acid reflux.  It's hard to explain.  The only thing that I have experienced like this that is similar is going on my favorite roller coaster several times in a row and having that funny feeling in my stomach.  It comes and goes and when it's gone, I eat and when it comes back, I just sip fluids.  I am hoping in another day or two this will pass as well as the cold sensitivity so I can enjoy the rest of my non-chemo week.  I know as each day passes, I am one more day closer to being done.

25% Through Chemo

Yesterday was another chemo day.  I wasn't looking forward to it at all based on my experiences from the first treatment.  It was a dreary day in Pittsburgh but the treatment center wasn't so bad.  I had a different nurse this time but equally as nice and competent.  She even had a few minutes just to chat with me.  The routine is the same: access the port, draw blood, wait, pre-drugs, wait, chemo, pump hook-up home.  This time it took about 30 minutes less than last time so no complaints for me.

I had lovely company yesterday.  At lunch, we opted for food from the cafeteria.  The nurse brought us a menu for us to make our selections.  My friend and I considered changing chemo days so some of the other days' choices seemed right up our alley.  My friend offered to go and I was trying to explain the complicated directions to the cafeteria, my nurse came to the rescue with a secret passage way.

It wasn't long after lunch that my chemo was through and the home care nurse came to hook me up to the pump.  Before I knew it, we were home and I was relaxing on the couch watching Murder, She Wrote.  Doesn't get much better for relaxing than a cup of tea and Jessica Fletcher!  My friend stayed with me to make sure I was OK and to supply me with homemade chocolate chip cookies.  Yum!!!!  Before my friend departed, we played Super Mario Bros.  We didn't get very far.  I know I was holding her back but she would never admit it.  I really need to sharpen my skills!

The side effects were much more tolerable this time around.  I still got the numbness in my knees and forearms but it wasn't as intense as last time.  But just like last time, it went away sometime in the night.  I did have a lot of trouble sleeping last night which drives me crazy but I am hoping will turn into a great night's sleep tonight.  Today I am feeling pretty good.  No sour stomach or fatigue or pain.  The biggest, and it's a big problem, is the effect of the cold on my hands.  It's just so painful even with gloves on.  The only other issue is keeping fluids warm for me to drink them.  I can't even drink room temperature beverages right now.  These side effects take about 5-7 days to pass but boy, when they are present, it is not pleasant!

So I am 25% through the chemo treatments.  After this experience, I know that I can make through the entire course and it's not going to be as bad as I thought it would be.  Yeah, I would prefer not to have chemo at all but I really can't complain too much.  Besides, complaining never makes anything better anyway.

Enjoying My Week

Since my last post, I have been feeling more myself each day.  I didn't require a nap on Sunday and Monday I woke up feeling like myself again.  I felt stronger and less fatigued as this week progressed.  Now that it's almost the weekend I am pretty excited.  I feel good and plan to enjoy SuperBowl weekend.  I don't have any big plans but whatever I decide to do will definitely be fun.

I was longing to exercise this week.  I haven't been able to swim because I still have a lot of sensitivity to cold and especially cold water.  I was racking my brain trying to figure out what I could do to just move.  As I was sitting on my couch pondering this, I saw my Wii and got out Wii Fit.  It was a blast and just what I needed.  Now, it's not exactly as much exercise as I would like but it got the blood flowing and I felt a lot better after playing.  I do hope to get into the pool next week on Monday and Tuesday prior to my next round of chemo but I'll have to see how my fingers feel about it.

I have been eating well, perhaps a little too well.  Since I didn't eat much last week, it's probably OK.  I'll see what the scale says on Wednesday.  My appetite has come back but the foods that seem appealing change minute to minute.  I just try to go with it.  I pack lots of different things for lunch hoping that at least one of them will taste good to me.  So far, so good.  Besides, I work where there are lots and lots of restaurants so it's not a big deal to find something last minute.

Working has been really good for me.  It keeps my mind off of not feeling good or being tired.  It really helped last week and this week kept me going.  This is the first full week I have worked since I returned to work in January.  I think I got through it just fine.  I won't lie though, I am not setting my alarm clock this weekend!

If the chemo continues to follow the pattern of feeling not so good for 4 days and feeling good for 10, I can get through this without a problem.  Since I only have one treatment to go by, it's hard to tell but that's what I am going with.  We'll know more next week this time.