Getting Ready

Well, the big day is just 10 days away.  I am doing all I can to get ready.  My pre-op testing all came back normal so from a medical stand point, I am ready to go.  Of course, there are many more important things to take care of as well.  All of my Christmas shopping is completed and I have a super awesome elf helping me wrap the gifts when they arrive.  I have taken inventory of my PJ's and made sure they are all clean and ready to go.  I have a couple little toiletries to get but nothing difficult.  Of course, as my usual self, I have a complete packing list for things to bring to the hospital.  I have to empty out the refrigerator (not too big of a job since it's mostly empty already) and do a little dusting and vacuuming.  A couple little errands I will be ready for the extended long winter's nap...

Mentally and emotionally, I believe I am ready as well.  I'm not too anxious about the surgery or the recovery afterwards.  I actually think the hardest part will be taking it easy once I get home.  I am anxious to be able to get back to work as I know my mind will go numb with no stimulation.  To fill some of my down time, I have a list of holiday shows ready to go.  I also have a couple of jig saw puzzles and a plan to get all of my nursing CEU's done.  That will probably just take me through the first week.  Perhaps some craft projects will work themselves into the mix as well.

I have a couple more fun things planned for the next week or so before I start the wonderful prep.  I'll keep you posted on the fun times and last hoorahs!

Thanksgiving

Today is the two week mark to surgery but it is also Thanksgiving.  I am extremely thankful for my family and friends who have been so supportive to me during this journey.  I am thankful that despite all the treatments, I have been able to maintain a normal life and continue to pursue my dreams.  I am grateful I live in a city with top notch medical care to assure I am getting the best treatments available.  I am thankful so many things at Thanksgiving and plan to enjoy my day surrounded by great friends making special memories.

Help with Publicity?

I have been posting on a web site through the American Cancer Society, called WhatNext.  It's sort of like Facebook for people with cancer.  The site allows you to post your journey using very specific items like hospitalization, or chemo, or radiation, or celebration.  The site also helps you to be matched with others going through the same journey so you can follow each other.  My favorite part is an area to ask questions.  Members of the site can post any questions they want as long as it is related to cancer or treatments.  There is a whole wide range of questions and I have posted many answers.  I'm fortunate that I was a case manager at one point in my life and I have a lot to share.  It's also comforting to hear about people going through the same things you are that only someone else going through it can truly understand.

This afternoon I received an e-mail from the moderator of the site.  I thought I was going to be in trouble for posting too many things but instead I was asked to help with the publicity of the site.  I didn't realize it, but the site started just as I was diagnosed so it hasn't been up for too long.  Because of the success they are having with the site, they are working on a publicity campaign.  I was asked to help out because I have been so helpful on the web site.  To me, it would be an honor to help out the site.  I was just telling a friend this weekend that when I complete active, I plan to volunteer and donate to the ACS because this site has been so helpful to me.  I guess I'm going to be volunteering a little sooner than I thought!

Pre-Operative Visit

Yesterday I had my long awaited pre-operative visit.  I have known most of the details of my surgery since I was diagnosed but it's hard to believe it's actually here.  The doctor spent a lot of time with my yesterday drawing diagrams to explain the surgery and then showing me where the incisions would be.  I was very excited to learn that my incision will be that like a C-Section and not one straight down the middle of my abdomen.  There will be some small incisions in my belly button and on the sides but nothing that would lead to huge scars.  It's amazing what can be done today.

I was also tattooed for the location of the ileostomy.  This is a very important process that helps the ileostomy be successful.  I had to move in different directions and figure out where I wear my pants so they could figure out the best spot.  I was tattooed in the same manner I was for the radiation treatments.  It's not so bad after you know what to expect.

So now, I am pretty much ready to go.  I have to have an EKG and blood work next week and then I have the yummy prep to look forward to the day before surgery.  I, of course, will be packing a bag for my time in the hospital with plenty of PJ's and some things to keep me occupied while I am waiting for my bowels to start working again.  I was told I will be staying in the new section of the hospital which is great news!  So, 3 weeks and counting!

Living Life to the Fullest

They say having cancer teaches you to live life to the fullest and appreciate all the little things in life.  I have always felt that I have lived my life to the fullest.  I have learned through this journey, though, that my definition of fullest may have been a bit off.  By fullest, I believed it was having a full calendar.  In the past, I used to study my Google calendar carefully to make sure there was no down time.  If there were multiple things to do in one day, somehow I would figure out how to make it work.  That's living life to the fullest, right?

Well, I guess my definition of fullest has evolved in the short time I have been diagnosed with cancer.  To me, living life to the fullest is changing to really being there.  I used to see on a co-worker's office door, a sign that stated, "Be Here Now."  I have repeated those words to myself many times when studying or in class or a meeting when my mind drifted.  I think I can now take that phase to the next level.  I understand now that it's not just a physical presence to life but a full engagement. 

I was at a friends' wedding this weekend and so happy to be there.  I had taken a break from the dance floor and found myself thinking about life and my options at that moment.  I could continue to sit and watch the dancing and be present at the wedding, or I could participate and continue to dance and truly experience the fun of the day and be part of my friends' wedding.  I got up to dance and danced the rest of the night away with a new understanding of what it is to really live life to the fullest.  My feet were really sore on the way home but it was worth it!

Just 4 Weeks!

Well, it's just four weeks until my surgery.  I can't believe how quickly it is coming up.  I have a pre-op appointment with my surgeon on Tuesday to hopefully learn more details and figure out what I am supposed to be doing between now and then besides celebrating reverse Lent.

I am feeling much more like myself than I have in a very long time.  Even before my diagnosis my stomach was always bothering me.  I feel good and I have my energy back.  I feel like I'm ready to have my full calendar of events again take on some new things as well.  My appetite is very much improved.  In fact, it's probably improved a bit too much!  I still have all those M&M's to eat that friends and family have sent me.  I can't let them go to waste!

It actually feels really good to feel more like myself again.  I think it was during my awesome hike on Sunday that I realized I was feeling good again.  Wr had beautiful weather on Sunday, the hike was just right, and the company was the best!  With all the doctors appointments and lingering side effects, you forget what it's like to just feel good.  I am enjoying each day knowing that surgery will disrupt my feeling good for a while but I know I will get there again, eventually.

The Count Down Continues

Well, just 5 short weeks until surgery.  That's just 35 days!  Being the "good" Catholic I am, when it was 40 days, I started to think about Lent.  Those long 40 days and 40 nights.  I had given up Jack Daniels this past Lent.  It just seemed appropriate at the 40 day milestone to surgery, that a reverse Lent would be in order.  I think I can manage consuming a Jack and Coke every day for the next 40 days.  I'm five days in already and five for five!  I mentioned this to my PCP on Tuesday and she was wondering if I would be needing to go to detox before surgery!  I have to be careful who I mention my reverse Lent to. 

I am progressing with my legs getting a little better each day.  I still have welts but they are not as painful and no new ones are appearing.  I had some additional blood work this week just to be sure things are moving in the right direction.  I was also released from care from my radiation oncologist.  It was bitter sweet for me.  I was thrilled to not have to face radiation again but my doctor and his team of nurses were just amazing.  I'm hoping to take a stroll down to see them when I am admitted for my surgery.

I have about a week and a half off from doctors appointments.  I am looking forward to the break and enjoying my time.  I believe I have some dinners and breakfasts with friends planned as well as a basketball game, a football game and a nice long hike.  Not to mention a big wedding next weekend!  They always say many don't appreciate life until it's taken away from them.  I think I have always tried to live life to the fullest but knowing something is coming up that will slow me down a bit makes me appreciate all the great people I and fun activities I have filled my life with.