From Pants to Dresses

With only a week or so left before returning to work, I have to be able to wear more than pants!  Yes, it was a joy to graduate from hospital gown to pants, but now it's time to take the next big step - work clothes.  I have found that most of my work pants ride wrong with my new plumbing.  That left me only one choice; go shopping!  I ventured to the mall this morning and I was able to find 3 really cute dresses for work.  It seems like dresses are the easiest for work and I must admit, they look pretty good too.  The sales right now are amazing.  I can't wait to learn about the New Years sales next!

Christmas Rush is Through

Well, the Christmas holiday has passed.  This is the first year I was not home for Christmas, but I made the best of it.  It's not time to look forward to the New Year.  I still have another week and a half off until returning to work.  It's probably a good thing as I still could use a nap here and there.  I also need to get so new work clothes as most of what I have now just happens to ride on my stoma site.  Still, I plan to spend my remaining days off just sleeping in, relaxing, and catching up on a few things.  After all, how many times in life do you get a break from work and can just relax for a while.  My next chance probably won't be until I retire!

I'm Back!

It's been almost 10 days since my last post.  I apologize for the delay!  It's been a bit of a roller coaster since I was discharged.  Let me see if I can sum it up quickly.  After being home for a day or so, I developed some abdominal pain and nausea.  I went to the hospital and was readmitted for a food blockage.  I spent 3 and a half days in the hospital resting my GI track and then slowly eating again.  After I was discharged for the second time, I recovered for several days at my friends' house.  Last night, I came back to my own home and now trying to just get back to my routine.

I had a great phone appointment with my surgeon yesterday.  The pathologists could not find any evidence of cancer from the specimen removed during my surgery.  That is outstanding news.  I'm also allowed to start back to my usual activities and go back to work after the first of the year.  Basically I was told to do anything I want (except sit ups) and if it hurts, stop.  It really doesn't get much better than that.  I seem to be eating well and things are moving along as they should.  I still don't have a big appetite but I'm sure that will come as I start to get back to my normal activities.

Great to be Home!

Yesterday was a very long day but it was well worth it to finally be home.  I found out early in the morning that I would be discharged but I didn't get home until 4 pm.  The first thing I did when I got home was to take a very long shower.  In fact, I drained the hot water tank.  It felt so good to shower again.  It was like the first shower after finishing chemo.

It was heavenly to sleep in my own bed last night and not get woken for another shot or vitals signs.  It was also nice to have some food that actually tasted good.  I am still on a soft diet but at least my food had some flavor.  Although I will continue on a soft diet for a couple of weeks, it's really not so bad.  I mean, how can ice cream and pudding be bad?

So my tasks for the week are to make sure I get plenty of fluids, continue to recover, walk, and just relax.  I think that is manageable!

Star Patient

Carol was nearly back to herself today! When I arrived at the hospital this morning I found her hospital bed perfectly made, and there she was, sitting in the recliner working on her puzzle. The nerve block and dilaudid were disconnected and she was allowed to have a soft diet for lunch. First meal? Macaroni and cheese of course. The physical therapist stopped by to put her to the "test" in the hall and on stairs. It wasn't even a challenge! The staff is starting to question if Carol actually had surgery. Assuming the evening goes well, Carol will receive her training to care for herself tomorrow and then finally head home. I know she is ready for her own bed and I am sure will soon be back to blogging herself!

For The Love of Pants

I am happy to report that Carol made lots of great progress today! The day started with a very important milestone. Carol got to say goodbye to Mr. Foley and hello to pajamas! It seems that putting on pants is often the first step in making one start to feel human again. What a relief it must be to eliminate the fear of accidentally mooning unsuspecting visitors. This new freedom also made laps easier today, which was important as the target was increased to six! Needless to say they are going to have to install speed bumps soon to slow Carol down from flying through the hallways. In addition, Carol's diet has progressed to clear liquids. While she wanted nothing to do with the vegetable broth, the jello and juice went right down the hatch. She also found out if she dials 1-2-3 in the morning, she can order double jello in any flavor! That just might turn out to be the one thing she misses when she is discharged. Finally, I noticed Carol got into her activity bags today putting a lot of time into a new puzzle. We are thinking tomorrow will be a real test as they begin to wean pain medications, but if she keeps improving at this pace I'm sure she'll be on her way home in no time!

Mini Marathon

Tammy here again! I was able to spend a good amount of time with Carol today, while still being respectful of the visiting hours she has set. Seeing it was her first full day post-op and considering the stern warning by her surgeon, I wasn't sure what to expect when I arrived. However, I found Carol alert and cheery. First order of business was to get washed up, and then face the task of the day given by her doctor. It was a lofty challenge - three total laps around the wing of her hospital floor. She went right at it and quickly completed round 1. We began a tally on the markerboard in her room. Following this feat, she got to sip some apple juice! Things were progressing nicely. Towards the end of the morning visit, Carol seemed anxious to get back to her assignment, despite the fact she had received several doses of painkillers. Turns out this wasn't a great combination and it resulted in an upset tummy. Minor setback. Nonetheless, we still were able to add .5 lap to the tally board. It was a good thing Carol had pre-planned her visiting hours to allow herself an afternoon break, because she really needed it. She spent the time napping and when we returned that evening she was feeling much better. So much so, she went back to work and completed the final 1.5 lap! Mission accomplished. All of this hard work paid off as we observed the first signs of her GI system waking up. Naturally, Carol and her body are way ahead of schedule. We passed some time by painting Carol's toenails a nice sparkly shade of pink and watching Christmas specials on tv. Before long sleep was creeping in, so we headed out. We've already been making bets on what assignment we'll be charting tomorrow, but rest assured Carol will conquer it!

Surgery Day - A Friend's Perspective

Hello faithful followers! This is Carol's friend Tammy, checking in. I thought I'd take a few minutes to share my account of Carol's big day as she is busy recovering...

Well, the countdown clock to surgery day finally reached zero. At 3 am. I was on the road by 4 to pick up Carol for her big date. When I arrived she was ready to go, her thoughtfully packed bags in hand. If I didn't know better, I'd have thought she was headed to camp for a fun adventure. I won't try to speculate what was going on in her head, but to the outside world she was her normal calm self. We got to the hospital precisely at 5 and were met by a small group of loved ones. Carol was quickly whisked off to be prepped for surgery. After some time, we were allowed to sit with her as she waited. At one point a nurse came in and asked the inevitable question: "What are you having done today?" Without hesitation, Carol spouted off what sounded like a minimum of ten medical terms. For a moment I thought she might even include the CPT code. Even though I didn't understand a word of it, I knew she was spot on. Naturally the nurse appeared shocked commenting that most people respond with "something down here", but I'd expect nothing less from Carol. Finally at 8 o'clock, it was time. There was no hesitation, no sad face, no tears. Just a big high five and off she went. The rest of us reluctantly made our way to the waiting room where time stands still.

At 11:30, the surgeon finally brought the news we had been waiting for. We officially had "the best case scenario". Surgery went as planned, and there was zero sign of any remaining cancer in Carol's body. After a flurry of texts to share the good news, we went off to celebrate with Jack Daniel's burgers in Carol's honor before returning to the waiting area. Due to an unfortunately timed computer crash, there was a delay moving Carol to her private room, so we still had to wait until 4:30 to see her and get her settled. Turns out, she opted for a nerve block, which left her pain free and in very high spirits! We quickly set up a candy dish for the nurses, as well as posted her surgifesto for visitors to read. Before long, she was drifting off to sleep, so we left her to rest (with the Steelers game on!).

Although terribly long and exhausting, this day could not have gone any better. The surgeon warned us that the next three days would be "miserable", but they are standing by with all the pain meds and support she will need. He anticipates that sometime on Sunday, she will turn the corner and will rapidly improve and be anxious to get home. (I won't lie, she did suggest heading out already tonight, but I knew it was the meds talking.) I imagine tomorrow will be particularly tough with pain settling in as well as the adjustment to her new body changes. That said, I know Carol will once again triumph and remind us why she is an inspiration to all!

Turning Over My Blog

Well, the time has finally come.  Thank goodness!  I am ready as I can ever be both mentally and physically.  I am wrapping up work today and then getting a massage prior to starting my prep.  My bag is packed, my apartment is ready to be vacant for a little while.  My parents are on their way.  Not much more to do but to just Ride the Wave.

In my absence, I have asked a friend to blog for me.  I will allow her to introduce herself as she wants to.  I hope to be back blogging by the weekend but I wanted to make sure that people following my blog had some updates.

Surgifesto

So I had an amazing last meal last night.  Seven courses overlooking the city that I love on a perfectly clear night.  I could even see my building.  Truly a special night.  I got one last swim in this morning and really enjoyed being in the water.  I plan to squeeze in some Dave and Andy's ice cream today right before I start on clear liquids today.  I am really hoping there is chocolate and peanut butter ice cream today!

As I wrap up today with the fun things, I turn to finalizing the preparations for being in the hospital.  I have been giving a lot of thought to the hospital experience and how I would like it to be.  I was inspired by Alton Brown who wrote a manifesto for when he meets his fans.  I have taken the time to create "Carol's Surgifesto." 

As I prepare to take the next step in this incredible journey, I have been thinking about my life and where I am to date.  I have been very fortunate to have many good times in my life.  I have also had some downs but it seemed no matter what, I survived.  In fact, I think I have more than survived.  Throughout my life, although things didn’t always go perfectly, I think with each adventure I have become stronger and a little wiser. Among the things I have learned are: just breathe, take time to reflect, sit on decisions, keep a positive attitude and ask for help.

I have been overwhelmed by the support my friends and family have provided me along this journey.  It is comforting to know so many people care about me and that help is just a phone call (or text) away.  At the same time, the support can be stressful and difficult to manage at times.  Knowing myself and applying the lessons I have learned, I am requesting the following during this next step of my journey:

•Please limit visiting hours to 11-2 and 5-9.  I need rest, time to reflect and time to learn about caring for myself for when I leave the hospital.  Limiting the visiting hours will help bring a balance between being supported by my family and friends and honoring my needs.

•It is important to me to have a very positive environment in which to recover.  I do not see this surgery as something horrible, difficult or something that will impact my life greatly; it is merely a step along this journey.

•Please allow me to be the only communicator with the nurses regarding my care and my needs.  It is important for me to voice my own needs and communicate with them in a way I feel comfortable with.  Being the sole communicator will also help me feel I have some control of the hospital stay, in which I know I really don’t’have much.

•Please allow me to take care of myself and do things for myself unless I ask for help.  It is extremely important to me to be independent as much as possible during recovery.

•Please mind my personal space.  I am not a person who has a lot of close physical contact when I am well.  When I am not feeling well, close physical contact will make me feel uncomfortable and stressed.

Awesome Weekend

    Well, with this weekend being my last weekend prior to surgery, I made sure it was packed with fun things.  Friday night, I went to Burgatory for the most amazing burger and to hang out with some of my favorite girls discussing a big wedding.  I am so excited to help out with wedding plans.  Saturday, I went to the last Pitt football game.  Not only did they win, I was on the field for pre-game!  It was so cool to see all the players on the field and be standing right next to them.  I felt like a little kid being so excited over college football players.  It was the perfect way to wrap up the season.  Now I don't feel so silly for scheduling my surgery around the game!

Sunday was a great day too.  I had the most amazing waffle at my favorite waffle place.  It was a brownie waffle with chocolate fudge, with a scoop of peppermint ice cream and powdered sugar.  Then topped off with candy canes.  Yum!!!!  It's a good thing I only have 2 more days of work because my work clothes are all getting tight!

After breakfast I went to my friends' house to watch the Steeler game and enjoy cheesy pretzel bites for a game time snack.  After the game, we had dinner together and watched Ice Age II.  The best was sitting by the fireplace enjoying the smell of the fire with great conversation.

The icing on the cake for me was that not only did Pitt and the Steelers win, but so did the Jets!

It was a great weekend and I'm so glad I had the time to spend time with some great friends.  Tonight, I wrap up the festivities with a great dinner with friends on Mt. Washington enjoying the view of the city.

What Next Blog

This week I was featured on the What Next blog:

 http://blog.whatnext.com/blog/peer-perspectives/journey-of-the-week-carollhrn

Check it out!

One Week to Go!

Wow!  This time next week, I will be in the OR having surgery.  It feels like this count down is taking forever!  I know I will sure be glad when next Thursday comes and goes.  I am ready to get through this step of the journey, getting closer to the end.

I have been having a good time this week.  I was able to see 2 Pitt basketball games; the women's team on Tuesday and the men's on Wednesday.  And as a bonus, it seems the NBA will start their season on Christmas Day.  I can't think of a better time for them to start to keep me entertained as I am recovering.  Tonight I will be decorating my apartment for the holidays.  Since I will be home a lot more this year, I want everything to look super nice.  I also have a fun packed weekend ahead of me.  I am glad I am pretty much ready for next week so I can really enjoy my time.  It pays off to be a pre-planner!

Work has been challenging the last couple of days as some new issues have come up just as I am trying to get everything ready to run on auto-pilot while I am out.  I have no doubt that it will all come together by next Wednesday.  If it doesn't, I am sure my company will not fall apart and I will know I did the best I could to get everything together.

I have a feeling this next week is just going to fly by.  I'm going to try to just take it day by day and enjoy my last week.  As a teaser, I will be having some guest bloggers while I am in the hospital.  More information on that to come soon!

Getting Ready

Well, the big day is just 10 days away.  I am doing all I can to get ready.  My pre-op testing all came back normal so from a medical stand point, I am ready to go.  Of course, there are many more important things to take care of as well.  All of my Christmas shopping is completed and I have a super awesome elf helping me wrap the gifts when they arrive.  I have taken inventory of my PJ's and made sure they are all clean and ready to go.  I have a couple little toiletries to get but nothing difficult.  Of course, as my usual self, I have a complete packing list for things to bring to the hospital.  I have to empty out the refrigerator (not too big of a job since it's mostly empty already) and do a little dusting and vacuuming.  A couple little errands I will be ready for the extended long winter's nap...

Mentally and emotionally, I believe I am ready as well.  I'm not too anxious about the surgery or the recovery afterwards.  I actually think the hardest part will be taking it easy once I get home.  I am anxious to be able to get back to work as I know my mind will go numb with no stimulation.  To fill some of my down time, I have a list of holiday shows ready to go.  I also have a couple of jig saw puzzles and a plan to get all of my nursing CEU's done.  That will probably just take me through the first week.  Perhaps some craft projects will work themselves into the mix as well.

I have a couple more fun things planned for the next week or so before I start the wonderful prep.  I'll keep you posted on the fun times and last hoorahs!

Thanksgiving

Today is the two week mark to surgery but it is also Thanksgiving.  I am extremely thankful for my family and friends who have been so supportive to me during this journey.  I am thankful that despite all the treatments, I have been able to maintain a normal life and continue to pursue my dreams.  I am grateful I live in a city with top notch medical care to assure I am getting the best treatments available.  I am thankful so many things at Thanksgiving and plan to enjoy my day surrounded by great friends making special memories.

Help with Publicity?

I have been posting on a web site through the American Cancer Society, called WhatNext.  It's sort of like Facebook for people with cancer.  The site allows you to post your journey using very specific items like hospitalization, or chemo, or radiation, or celebration.  The site also helps you to be matched with others going through the same journey so you can follow each other.  My favorite part is an area to ask questions.  Members of the site can post any questions they want as long as it is related to cancer or treatments.  There is a whole wide range of questions and I have posted many answers.  I'm fortunate that I was a case manager at one point in my life and I have a lot to share.  It's also comforting to hear about people going through the same things you are that only someone else going through it can truly understand.

This afternoon I received an e-mail from the moderator of the site.  I thought I was going to be in trouble for posting too many things but instead I was asked to help with the publicity of the site.  I didn't realize it, but the site started just as I was diagnosed so it hasn't been up for too long.  Because of the success they are having with the site, they are working on a publicity campaign.  I was asked to help out because I have been so helpful on the web site.  To me, it would be an honor to help out the site.  I was just telling a friend this weekend that when I complete active, I plan to volunteer and donate to the ACS because this site has been so helpful to me.  I guess I'm going to be volunteering a little sooner than I thought!

Pre-Operative Visit

Yesterday I had my long awaited pre-operative visit.  I have known most of the details of my surgery since I was diagnosed but it's hard to believe it's actually here.  The doctor spent a lot of time with my yesterday drawing diagrams to explain the surgery and then showing me where the incisions would be.  I was very excited to learn that my incision will be that like a C-Section and not one straight down the middle of my abdomen.  There will be some small incisions in my belly button and on the sides but nothing that would lead to huge scars.  It's amazing what can be done today.

I was also tattooed for the location of the ileostomy.  This is a very important process that helps the ileostomy be successful.  I had to move in different directions and figure out where I wear my pants so they could figure out the best spot.  I was tattooed in the same manner I was for the radiation treatments.  It's not so bad after you know what to expect.

So now, I am pretty much ready to go.  I have to have an EKG and blood work next week and then I have the yummy prep to look forward to the day before surgery.  I, of course, will be packing a bag for my time in the hospital with plenty of PJ's and some things to keep me occupied while I am waiting for my bowels to start working again.  I was told I will be staying in the new section of the hospital which is great news!  So, 3 weeks and counting!

Living Life to the Fullest

They say having cancer teaches you to live life to the fullest and appreciate all the little things in life.  I have always felt that I have lived my life to the fullest.  I have learned through this journey, though, that my definition of fullest may have been a bit off.  By fullest, I believed it was having a full calendar.  In the past, I used to study my Google calendar carefully to make sure there was no down time.  If there were multiple things to do in one day, somehow I would figure out how to make it work.  That's living life to the fullest, right?

Well, I guess my definition of fullest has evolved in the short time I have been diagnosed with cancer.  To me, living life to the fullest is changing to really being there.  I used to see on a co-worker's office door, a sign that stated, "Be Here Now."  I have repeated those words to myself many times when studying or in class or a meeting when my mind drifted.  I think I can now take that phase to the next level.  I understand now that it's not just a physical presence to life but a full engagement. 

I was at a friends' wedding this weekend and so happy to be there.  I had taken a break from the dance floor and found myself thinking about life and my options at that moment.  I could continue to sit and watch the dancing and be present at the wedding, or I could participate and continue to dance and truly experience the fun of the day and be part of my friends' wedding.  I got up to dance and danced the rest of the night away with a new understanding of what it is to really live life to the fullest.  My feet were really sore on the way home but it was worth it!

Just 4 Weeks!

Well, it's just four weeks until my surgery.  I can't believe how quickly it is coming up.  I have a pre-op appointment with my surgeon on Tuesday to hopefully learn more details and figure out what I am supposed to be doing between now and then besides celebrating reverse Lent.

I am feeling much more like myself than I have in a very long time.  Even before my diagnosis my stomach was always bothering me.  I feel good and I have my energy back.  I feel like I'm ready to have my full calendar of events again take on some new things as well.  My appetite is very much improved.  In fact, it's probably improved a bit too much!  I still have all those M&M's to eat that friends and family have sent me.  I can't let them go to waste!

It actually feels really good to feel more like myself again.  I think it was during my awesome hike on Sunday that I realized I was feeling good again.  Wr had beautiful weather on Sunday, the hike was just right, and the company was the best!  With all the doctors appointments and lingering side effects, you forget what it's like to just feel good.  I am enjoying each day knowing that surgery will disrupt my feeling good for a while but I know I will get there again, eventually.

The Count Down Continues

Well, just 5 short weeks until surgery.  That's just 35 days!  Being the "good" Catholic I am, when it was 40 days, I started to think about Lent.  Those long 40 days and 40 nights.  I had given up Jack Daniels this past Lent.  It just seemed appropriate at the 40 day milestone to surgery, that a reverse Lent would be in order.  I think I can manage consuming a Jack and Coke every day for the next 40 days.  I'm five days in already and five for five!  I mentioned this to my PCP on Tuesday and she was wondering if I would be needing to go to detox before surgery!  I have to be careful who I mention my reverse Lent to. 

I am progressing with my legs getting a little better each day.  I still have welts but they are not as painful and no new ones are appearing.  I had some additional blood work this week just to be sure things are moving in the right direction.  I was also released from care from my radiation oncologist.  It was bitter sweet for me.  I was thrilled to not have to face radiation again but my doctor and his team of nurses were just amazing.  I'm hoping to take a stroll down to see them when I am admitted for my surgery.

I have about a week and a half off from doctors appointments.  I am looking forward to the break and enjoying my time.  I believe I have some dinners and breakfasts with friends planned as well as a basketball game, a football game and a nice long hike.  Not to mention a big wedding next weekend!  They always say many don't appreciate life until it's taken away from them.  I think I have always tried to live life to the fullest but knowing something is coming up that will slow me down a bit makes me appreciate all the great people I and fun activities I have filled my life with.

I haven't got Time for the Pain

Life is good without treatments.  All of the side effects have slowly faded away and with that my energy has slowly returned.  I'm getting back to my usual routine with exercise in the morning and plenty to do after work each night.  The weekends are packed with fun things to do as well.  Everything is great, right?  Well, not exactly.

Last week my legs were really painful.  I thought it was just from over doing it with exercise but things just weren't quite right.  Then I had these red spots on my legs.  At first I thought a bug had a feast on me one night while in bed but the spots were getting bigger and bigger.  Finally on Friday, I had enough of the spots and pain and when to see my PCP.  Turns out I'm having some sort of side effect/reaction to a virus, they think.  So, I had some blood work and will have to see if I have caught some crazy virus.  I'm told the achy legs and spots can last anywhere from 2 - 6 weeks.

I was frustrated with this new issue.  After all, I have just a small window to have some fun and build back my strength.  At some point, I realized I still have my window and it will be what I want it to be.  I could lay around and complain or I could take some Motrin and keep going.  I am sure it is no surprise I have selected the latter.  After all, there are only so many more days left to kayak and Halloween comes just once a year!

Eight Weeks of Fun

Well, eight weeks from today, I will have my surgery.  That means 8 weeks of lots of fun.  That is if my swimming coach doesn't kill me first!  Swim practice was more like boot camp than swim practice.  I never really enjoy sprint day but today was just over the top.  We had to get out of the pool and do push ups every so many laps and of course it got progressively harder.  Well, I did say I wanted to get back in shape!

So, what am I going to do with my free time?  Well, I went kayaking yesterday in the rain and I have a couple more weeks to do that.  I plan to do some hiking to check on the fall follage.  I have some more Pitt football games to attend and a couple of basketball games too!  Lots of time with friends doing fun things like a corn maze at night, cookie baking, Turkey Fry, cake baking, and a wedding to name a few!

My surgeon told me a while ago to just "Ride the Wave."  I was a little insulted when he told me this but I heeded his advice and I am glad I did.  I think just rolling with what life throws you and not getting overly upset or stressed makes life a bit more enjoyable.  Sure, I still make my own choices and am the captain of my own ship but the ship sails much better when you ride the waves and don't buck the tide....

Back in the Pool!

Ahhh.  Nothing like swimming!  I had the best time swimming this morning.  Some may call it exercise.  I call it heaven!  I couldn't help but chuckle to myself today while swimming lap after lap.  Six months ago I was grumbling and complaining about each lap and my coach making me swim faster intervals.  Today I was just thrilled to be in the water.  I was singing in my head, "I'm swimming!, I'm swimming!"  My coach could have told me I had to do 20 sprints and I wouldn't have cared.  I was just so happy to be back to one of my most favorite things to do.

I was also happy to see my old swimming buddies.  It was like I never left.  I was a little apprehensive to start swimming.  I thought for sure I would jump in and sink to the bottom and need to be rescued (ignore the fact that I can stand up in the pool).  Anyway, my coach asked me what I wanted to do.  I said I would just tag along in my lane and see what I can do.  Well, I did the whole set my lane did and it felt fantastic! We did 2000 meters today.  Usually we swim 2400 meters on distance day so I'm feeling good about only being 400 meters short on my first day back.  I'm also quite sure I will be sleeping well tonight and will be a little sore tomorrow!

Free At Last

Today was another great day!  I was disconnected from my pump today.  As a good friend of mine called it, Mr. Pump-ectomy!  It's weird to not have to make sure I have my pump with me every time I get up.  Even sitting at my desk, I didn't get up to do something because I didn't feel like dragging the pump around.  Then I realized, there is no pump to drag anymore.  Very exciting!

I was in and out of the infusion center fast this morning.  I couldn't help but smile and be cheerful.  I am free!  Tomorrow morning will be the longest hot shower ever.  I can't wait to wash my hair and condition it and just stand and let the water run.  No Glad Press n' Seal and no being attached to the pump.  I can't wait!  Beyond the shower, I hope to swim on Thursday even if it's just a lap or two.  I can't wait to get back to my normal routine!

Cold, Rainy Weekend - Perfect!

The weather has not been the greatest.  My friends are complaining that summer is over and we won't see the sun again until next May.  Well, the bad weather worked out well for me.  I was able to get plenty of rest this weekend.  Nothing like sleeping in on a cold, rainy morning.  The sun isn't shining to wake you and the sound of rain helps to just fall off to sleep.  Since it was so nasty out, I really didn't go out much this weekend except to treat myself to a pedicure for finishing up radiation treatment.

It's hard for me to believe that I actually enjoyed a weekend with no plans, but I did.  I didn't feel too great all weekend so I'm glad I didn't have much to do.  Curled up on the couch with a blankie watching TV was nice.  I didn't even feel like doing a puzzle or anything.  I guess sometimes it's good just to do nothing.  I am hoping by next weekend I will start to get my energy back as well as my appetite.  Although laying around this weekend felt good, I'm not sure for how much longer I will enjoy it!

I'm Done

Today I finished my radiation treatment!  I made it all the way through with no breaks.  28 treatments done!  No more early morning trips to the hospital.  I can get back to the things I enjoy, especially swimming once the chemo is disconnected.

The staff at the radiation center were amazing, of course.  Everyone there knew it was my last day and wished me luck and was so excited.  I felt like I needed to be wearing a cap and gown!  I cannot put in words the elation I feel to be done.  I knew I was excited to be done, but never thought I would feel like I do now.  I know it will take a couple of weeks to recover but just knowing nothing will be contributing any longer to making me feel worse is an amazing feeling

I celebrated this morning with Dunkin' Donuts hot chocolate and a chocolate kreme filled doughnut.  Hopefully I won't pay for it later!  My big plans for the weekend are to relax and get some rest.  Even though I had my last treatment this morning, the effects will linger on for several days.  More celebration to come when I'm feeling more like myself!

Diagnosis: You're Great!

I am wrapping up my radiation treatments.  Tomorrow is the last day.  I can't believe it!  The 28 treatments actually went very quickly.  As I have mentioned before, the radiation staff has been outstanding.  Everyday they start my day with a smile.  No matter how tired I am or I don't feel well, I can't help but feel better just interacting with the staff.

I wanted to get the team something special for doing such a great job.  As a nurse myself, I knew homemade food was not the way to go.  Flowers are nice but they stay at the hospital and no one gets to enjoy them.  I'm sure they get lots of candy.  I wanted to do something different so I decided to go with a cookie bouquet.  It was so cute with a bunch of bears dressed in hospital clothing and one cookie that said, "Diagnosis: You're Great!" 

When I went for my treatment today, all but 2 cookies were gone.  They were saving one for my doctor and the other one was probably going to be split during their break today.  I'm really glad they enjoyed their surprise.  They definitely deserved it!  Radiation plays a major, but short role in many oncology treatment plans.  They often don't get to see the happy endings and patients feeling their best.  I wanted to make sure they were acknowledged for all their hard work and their great attitude.

GI Anxiety

I'm getting down to the final wire.  Not too much longer to go of being at the hospital at 7:45 in the morning Monday through Friday.  Only another week of carrying around the infusion pump and dealing with the quick showers.  Of course I am really looking forward to being done with this round of treatment, but there is even a bigger reason: getting rid of GI Anxiety.

Besides being tired all the time, the only other side effect I have been experiences in GI upset.  It's really not that bad when I am home.  No big deal to spend time in the bathroom and keep hydrated.  The problem is, that I am trying to continue with all my usual activities as much as I can.  Being away from my own bathroom during this time has caused lots of anxiety.  When I'm at work, I worry if I will need to run to the bathroom during a meeting.  Just the other night I went to see Wicked with two very good friends.  We had amazing seats.  The problem was that we were 5 rows from the front and the aisle closest to us was blocked by someone in a wheelchair.  As the show started, I really worried if my stomach would act up because there was no easy escape route.  Luckily, I didn't have any issues but I worried through the first 3 songs.

Seems like my stomach decides to wake up and make me worry just when I'm ready to head out to an event like a Pitt football game or when I'm getting ready to leave for work and have the potential to have to sit in traffic.  Nope, it doesn't bother me all day long until it knows I will have separation from a bathroom.  Funny how it works like that.  So, I am most excited about getting rid of this GI Anxiety and getting back to my regular routine!

Loving Friday Nights at Home, for Now

Lately, after a long week of work and treatment and all the activities I am still doing, there is nothing I want more for a Friday night than to just go home.  The last couple of Fridays I have come home, put on my PJ's took a little nap, had a little dinner and just vegged out on the couch.  I worked on a puzzle, had the TV on and just relaxed.  Actually, I probably slept more than anything.  Those relaxed Friday nights helped fill up my tank and got me ready for the next week ahead.

Everyone is asking me what I am going to do next Friday to celebrate being done with radiation.  Well, for me, the ideal next Friday night is to come home from work, put on my PJ's, have a little dinner and relax!  It is very hard for me to explain how tired I really am because most people still see me busy as usual.  Well, let me tell you, I am exhausted and the biggest treat right now is uninterrupted sleep and not setting the alarm clock.  There will be plenty of time for celebrations and having fun but right now, sleepy time is what I look forward to most.

Down to Single Digits

I remember as a child counting down to Christmas using an advent calendar.  OK, I'll admit it, I still use an advent calendar!  Anyway, counting down and just having a few days left until Christmas added to the excitement of the holiday.  Well, I have been counting down the days left of radiation.  I have reached the single digits.  This is a major milestone.  Just nine more to go.  The time seemed to go pretty quickly.  I started my treatments on August 23 so it's been about a month.  Where did all that time go!

So the nurses and the radiation technicians and even my doctor were all very excited for me to reach this day.  Yeah, the radiation is cumulative so I know I will continue to get more and more tired.  I'll probably have some more GI issues and skin irritation as well.  Still, knowing I can count the number of treatments left without having to take my shoes off tells me two things: I can get excited about being done and I'm going to make it!

Tired of Being Tired

So I have been plugging along with my chemo and radiation.  Just 11 more radiation treatments to go.  Most are surprised at the lack of side effects I have been having.  I am lucky I suppose.  Very few GI issues, no mouth sores, no skin issues on my hands or feet.  60% through this course of treatment and my biggest complaint is being tired.  For those who really know me, you know that I am on the go.  I basically have an apartment to sleep and shower in.  But not lately.  The treatments have slowed me down and have made me long for my apartment and my nice comfy couch to take a nice nap.

I think of all the side effects I could have, I could personally deal better with ones that I could treat with medicine.  My side effect, I have to treat with naps, getting enough sleep, and resting during the day.  It is the worst!  It's just not in me to nap when I get home from work or close my eyes for a few minutes during my lunch.  I am however, trying to embrace the life of napping.  I have learned to nap in my car if I arrive early to a destination.  I have learned to close my eyes at my desk and lean back in my chair.  I have even learned to conserve energy by sitting during some of my chores.  I am not happy about all of this but if it helps me get through the next couple of weeks with the smalled impact, I will concede.

Half Way There!

Today marks a major milestone: half way through the radiation treatments!  This was a big day at the radiation center.  Everyone congratulated me and made a big deal of being half way through.  Of course, the staff at the radiation center are awesome and I will miss starting my day with them, I am not going to miss the side effects of the radiation.  Actually the side effects haven't been too bad.  I have been trying to take good care of myself by allowing myself to nap, eating even when I don't really feel like it, and taking good care of my tushy.  I am still hoping to finish up with radiation on September 30 but the doctor and nurses reminded me that if my side effects get bad, I will have to take a break.  Still, I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Good Reports from the Doctors

I saw both my medical oncologist and radiation oncologist this week and both are happy with how I am doing.  The medical oncologist feels that if I am 3 weeks into my treatment without side effects from the chemo, that I should get through the next 3 weeks without any issues from the chemo.  He also felt that as soon as I am disconnected from my pump, I should be able to resume my regular fitness activities very quickly.  The radiation oncologist says that the radiation will be responsible for any side effects moving forward including diarrhea, loss of appetite and a very sore bottom.  The nurses have been fantastic and have been able to help with any questions I have so I am confident that if anything comes up that is bothering me, they will be quick to help me out.

I am very much looking forward to the weekend starting off with a night of relaxing tonight.  Even though it was a short work week, it seemed like a long week.  I am really looking forward to getting home from work, putting on comfy clothes and just vegging for the evening.  Perhaps I will start a new jigsaw puzzle or try to improve my Super Mario Bros. skills on the Wii.  The rest of the weekend is football focused with a Pitt game tomorrow and the Steelers on Sunday.  There are so many reasons to love the fall!

The Honeymoon is Over

I had been plugging along with my treatment without any side effects.  The biggest issues I was having was to not forget my pump when I got up and dealing with scheduling all my appointments around my work schedule.  It was sort of a breeze and I was just marching through the treatment.

Well, that all changed on Saturday.  I was really looking forward to a relaxing weekend free of work and radiation.  Instead, my tummy decided that it was time to start acting up.  And of all times to act up, it was right before the Pitt game.  I am extremely grateful to Imodium.  It works like a charm and I would highly recommend it.  Beyond spending lots of time in the bathroom, my little tushy is sore.  But, I'm taking it with stride.  Still trying to do my thing and keeping active and not sitting at home.

The radiation nurses are fantastic.  I mentioned one little issue this morning and they were there for me with lots of helpful information and support.  A modified diet, some tricks learned from other patients and a little cream and I'm already feeling much better.  I'm back to being ready to march on!

Quarter Way Through

Today was exactly one quarter through the radiation treatments.  On one hand, I can't believe I've been through 7 treatments already.  On the other hand, I still have a long way to go.  At least at this point, I have my morning routine down and know the valet at the hospital very well.  As many of you know me well, you know I prefer a regular routine!

Blood Results

Today was a chemo day.  I have to get my pump refilled and needle changed once a week.  It's actually quiet easy and quick.  They draw blood from the port and remove the needle.  Once the blood work is back, the nurse inserts a new needle, hooks me back up and I'm on my way. 

The interesting thing about today was seeing my blood results.  They were fine; no worries there. They did, however, change.  I had always been proud of my excellent H&H and was always a good blood donor.  There was a drop this week and it's to be expected but it made me realize that I am getting treatment.  I have felt really well over the last week or so and have gotten used to carrying around the pump.  Still, today, seeing my blood results made me realize that although I feel good and actually don't even realize half the time that I am hooked up to a pump, that I am receiving radiation and chemo.  It's a sign that the treatment is impacting me even though I don't feel so.

No one expects my blood counts to ever be an issue during my treatment and they probably won't get anywhere close to needing a transfusion.  Still, it was a real eye opener today.

One Week Down, 5 To Go

With one week of treatment under my belt, I feel like I am finally on my way on this journey.  Overall, the week has been without any complaints or major issues.  I have had to learn how to not forget my pump when getting up (I had about 6 close calls) and how to shower with keeping the pump and port dry and get me clean.  It's harder than you may think!  I have also had to learn which clothes are easiest to wear with the pump.

I had a couple great moments this week.  The first was Wednesday night when I had to go to dinner with a vendor.  It was only my second day of treatment and I was still getting used to everything.  At dinner I was able to tuck my pump in the chair with me and no one could see the dressing on my port.  After a couple of hours of dinner I completely forgot that I was hooked up to anything and getting chemo.  It was a really great feeling to know that as long as I am feeling well, this pump and chemo is not going to consume my life or keep me from doing things.  It was also really nice to just "forget" for an evening that I was on this journey.

The other great moment is when I had to wear a suit on Friday to work.  I was apprehensive how I was going to wear the suit being all hooked up but I managed to feed the tubing through the sleeve of my shirt and no one even noticed that I had the pump with me.  When I looked in the mirror getting dressed, it was like any other day going to work.  Again, I forgot that I was even hooked up to the pump.  I made sure I got to each of my meetings early on Friday and tucked the pump on my lap.  No one even knew I had the pump except when it made its occassional noise.  Even then, I don't think they knew what the noise was!

I know I still face 5 more weeks of treatment but the little successes I had this past week have given me the confidence I need to make it through.  Of course I may start to get warn out or have other side effects from the treatment but I can't see any of that holding me back!

One Day In

One day in and no complaints.  I am getting used to carrying around the pump (not a fanny pack!).  They could make it a little lighter but it's not so bad.  I managed to sleep OK last night and not get all tangled in the tubing.  I even successfully had a pretty good shower this morning.

I haven't really felt ill or nauseous or tired or anything.  In fact, after dinner last night, I went and played miniature golf and then out to Rita's for some yummy Italian ice.  Of course this is an adjustment and I know that as time goes on, side effects can arise but I'm just taking it one day at a time.  I will deal with whatever I need to when the time comes and I'm not going to stress about it if I don't have to.

The daily radiation treatments are quick and easy.  The staff at the radiation center are amazing and really all I have to do is lay still on a table.  I think I can handle that.  My appointments are at 7:45 every morning, Monday - Friday, and the appointment takes less than 15 minutes.  Today I even made it to work by 8:30.  And now, just 28 more treatments to go!

A Day to Remember

Today was an important day in my life.  Not only did I start my chemo and radiation, but there was an earthquake felt in Pittsburgh.  I guess I'll never forget this day as 5 years from now I'll be sitting with some friends and they will be remembering the day Pittsburgh experienced an earthquake and I will remember I was receiving my first radiation treatment at that moment.  Maybe it was a message from a higher being!

Today was an interesting day.  I anticipated on being in and out of the hospital in under 40 minutes but that was just not to be.  Everyone I was with was very nice and it's not such a bad place to have to be if you have to just be sitting somewhere.  I am very grateful that I have the port because one little needle stick was all I had to get today.  Some blood was drawn and a tiny tube connected that would later be hooked up to the IV tubing of the pump.  It's nice that I only have to go through that once a week.

Eventually I was hooked up to the chemo which is given through a pump in a fanny pack about the size of a tissue box.

Every once in a while, the pump makes a light noise, much the same as an old camera winding film.  I am sure I will hear it all the time for the next couple of days and then forget about it.  It will take some getting used to to remember to take the pump with me everywhere I go and to figure out how to get dressed every day weaving the tubing through my clothes.  At least I vaguely remember some tricks from nursing school!

Once I was settled in with the pump and we were sure it was running well, the nurse gave me lots of instructions and a ton of books to read.  It must be for people who like to read or have nothing better to do.  The one cool thing about the infusion center is that they have a whole area of snacks including hot chocolate!  Like I said, not a bad place to be if you just have to be sitting around somewhere.

Next I was off to radiation.  It's actually pretty easy.  All I have to do is climb up on the table, lay down, and stay still.  The actual radiation itself takes just a couple of minutes.  I also agreed to the tattoos.  They are so small you wouldn't even know they were tattoos unless I pointed them out to you and it was very quick and painless.  It will be nice to get the old marking scrubbed off.  That is, if I figure out how to shower quickly and easily.

The Eve Before the Start

They say an eve is the evening before a special day.  I'm not sure if I would consider tomorrow a special day but it is a day to mark during this incredible journey - start of chemo and radiation.  I have been pushing for this day to come.  After all, the sooner I get started, the sooner I can finish.  But now that it's here, there of course is some anxiety.  What side effects will I get?  Will I feel different?  How is being hooked up to a pump going to impact my life?  I guess I will find out the answers to these questions and more in the coming weeks.

I did decide to allow the permanent tattoos to be placed.  I was showering the other morning and looking at all the markings on my hips.  It was kind of crazy that I thought it was OK to have all these markings but not two little dots.  The other thing I came to realize is this time in my life will become part of me.  As much as I see it as a bunch of tasks I just need to get through it will help form who I will be after I am through with all of my treatments.  I think I felt if I had the tattoos, this whole journey would never go away but tattoos or not, the journey will be part of me for the rest of my life.

OK, enough mushy stuff.  I get the fanny pack tomorrow.  I can't imagine it being something that I will want to be seen with.  Afterall, who wants to be seen wearing a fanny pack.  First order of business will be to either find something better than a fanny pack or make the fanny pack look like something I would want to be seen with!  More to come on the fanny pack.

The Next Phase is Ready to Begin

I can only begin to understand what transplant patients must feel like after today's experience.  I had been waiting for the radiation team to call me to set up my simulation, the last step prior to beginning treatment.  I received a call around 9:30 this morning and at 12:15 I was at the hospital in the radiation room going through the simulation.  After the 10 minutes of simulation, my chemo was set up and my radiation treatments for the next 6 weeks were scheduled.  It all just happened so fast that I really didn't even have time to think or react.

So, on Tuesday, I will start my chemotherapy which will be a continuous infusion.  I will have the chemo changed every seven days for the next six weeks.  The process, from what I have been told is fairly simple.  My port is accessed and then dressed and I am hooked up to a fanny pack (I know, can't they come up with something better!) that I will carry around for a week at a time.  The fanny pack contains the chemo agent and a small pump and is very light weight.  Piece of cake, right?  Except showering, dressing and sleeping will all be a challenge.  I imagine once I get it all figured out, the six weeks will be up and I will be done. 

Apparently the radiation is equally as easy.  I go into the treatment room, verify my picture on the computer and state my name and birth date.  I lay down on the table (not so comfortable), stay still and within 15 minutes I am done.  Sounds easy enough, right?  We'll see.  Only time will tell, I guess.

There is still the unsettled business of the tattoos.  They wanted to do the permanent tattoos today but I put on the tears and they said they would see if the new markings will last.  For some reason, I really, really don't want the permanent tattoos.  I know they are small and no big deal but I just don't want them.  So, they will check the temporary markings on Tuesday and make a decision.  Keep your fingers crossed!

More Waiting

I had a fabulous fun-filled weekend and back to work again this rainy Monday morning.  I received the results from my PET scan today: Totally Negative!  What does that mean?  Well, it means there isn't cancer floating around in other parts of my body and it's isolated to the rectum.  Unfortunately, I still have to have treatment but at least the cancer was caught very early.  Couldn't ask for better news.

This is a time for waiting for me.  The scans are done.  The port is in.  Everyone is in stand-by.  We are just waiting for the radiation formula to be completed.  Hopefully later this week I will go for the simulation where they test all the calculations without giving any radiation.  Once the simulation is successful, I will be ready to start my treatment.  I am shooting to start on August 23.  After all, the sooner I get started, the sooner I finish.

A lot of friends and family have been asking how I am feeling.  Well, I'm feeling like I was before I found out I had cancer.  I'm trying to stay active and continue as many activities as I can.  My port site has healed and honestly I forget it's even there.  Emotionally I'm doing well too.  Yes, of course I have the moments of wondering why me, but over all I feel I am going to approach this journey with a positive attitude and just Ride the Wave.

To Tattoo or Not To Tattoo

This morning I had a CT scan to prepare for my radiation treatments.  Apparently they take a bunch of images, apply some fancy math via a computer and come up with a treatment plan.  I would hate to know how they did radiation treatment prior to all the technology we have today!  Now if they could just make the table a little more comfortable....

So, as they are preparing the CT scan, I was tattooed with fake tattoos like children (and I guess some adults) use.  They are about the size of a half dollar with an "X" through them.  So I asked the technian if I was receiving these instead of real tattoos and he told me that when I go for my final appointment before treatment, I would receive the real tattoos.  :-(

I guess the technian realized I was less than happy to receive real tattoos because when the scanning was done, he came back and told me that if I am really, really careful with the fake tattoos and if I really, really don't want the real tattoos that I could probably avoid them.  He told me they would just be little dots like freckles.  The problem is that I don't have freckles where the tattoos would go!  So, this week, I will be taking very, very good care of the tattoos!

The Power of the Shower

I have always known the healing power of the shower.  When I was growing up and didn't feel well enough to go to school, my mom always made me take a shower before making the call to stay home.  If after taking a shower I still didn't feel well, then I could stay home.  Honestly, I can't remember a time when I took a shower and ended up staying home.  There is just something about a nice, warm, long shower to make you feel better.

Over the last five days, I had a dressing over my port and couldn't get it wet.  The nurse at the hospital encouraged me to try Glad Press and Seal wrap to keep my dressing dry.  That stuff is AMAZING.  It sticks right to your skin and the dressing and kept everything dry.  Still, I couldn't really move my arm that well and I was trying not to get the area too wet so there was no standing around in the shower.  That was until this morning.  The dressing came off last night and I took the longest shower this morning.  It felt sooo good!

I know once I start chemo, I'll have six weeks of showering with Glad Press and Seal and trying not to get the pump wet.  Let's just say I will be taking long showers until that day comes.  And the day the chemo is over, I am sure I will drain the hot water tank!

Still Getting Ready

It feels like it is taking forever to get this show on the road!  I probably won't start any treatments until the week of August 22.  That's another 2 weeks.  My portacath site is healing well.  I get to take the dressing off today and take a real shower.  I can't wait!  I am so itchy from the dressing.  This week I'll be having a PET scan and CT scan to get ready for radiation.  Overall, though, it should be a quiet 2 weeks while waiting to start.

So what does one do while just waiting?  Well, I've tried to figure out all the holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc that will occur over the next 2 months and get everything I need so I don't have to worry about it during my treatments.  I've also bought all the items suggested by my doctors that I may need to address the side effects of the treatments.  I plan on packing a bag in my car so if I'm out and about and don't feel like heading home, I can crash at my friend's house.  I've taken up working on jigsaw puzzles and have procured some additional puzzles in case I just feel like hanging out at home and not being out.  I have even gone as far as considering to read.  I know.  Crazy!  But, I think if I find the right book, perhaps I may like reading.

Overall, I am feeling really well.  I think I am pretty much recovered from my surgery two weeks ago.  The port site is coming along and will actually be used for the first time this week for my scans.  I'm feeling pretty up beat and ready to get this journey moving forward.

Storms Move Quickly

Growing up in New Jersey, I should know that storms can change direction and impact at any time.  I remember living through several Nor'easters that either fizzled out before arriving in NJ or picking up speed and flooding Sea Bright or dumping snow on the entire coast.  As much as forecasters try, they really can't predict the weather.  Well, I'm learning, I can't really predict everything that will happen on this journey.

I was planning on getting my portacath on Friday afternoon as I had 2 doctors appointments and it would mean just one vacation day from work.  Well, that schedule didn't really work out for the hospital.  So, around 5 pm on Tuesday evening, I learned that I would be getting my portacath Wednesday afternoon.  I was quickly able to find a ride (Thanks Nicole!) and arrange my work schedule to make this appointment.

In medicine, a port (or portacath) is a small medical appliance that is installed beneath the skin. A catheter connects the port to a vein. Under the skin, the port has a septum through which drugs can be injected and blood samples can be drawn many times, usually with less discomfort for the patient than a more typical "needle stick".

The hospital staff yesterday were amazing.  I was awake for the entire procedure but they all made sure I was as comfortable as possible.  They provided kindness as well as a few jokes and even turned on the Best of the 80's Mix in the OR.  How can anything go wrong when Van Halen's "Jump" is playing?  The surgeon did his best to make sure the port was not placed where my backpack straps would rest on my shoulders or where it could be easily seen.  I was in and out in just a couple of hours and felt well enough to go to the Pirates game in the evening.  Shame it had to rain :-( 

I had mixed feelings about getting the port.  It is definitely the best thing I can do medically as I don't have great veins for drawing blood or receiving IV's.  Still, it's a symbol that I am ill and that I will be receiving medical care.  I know when this journey is all over, the port will come out and there will just be a little scar there but for the next 9 months or so, it's there and it's a reminder no matter how great I am feeling, the journey continues.

Quiet Before the Storm

After one of the most shocking and emotional weeks of my life, I was happy for a quiet low key weekend.  I know, I know. When did I start liking low key weekends?  I don't and don't plan on seeing too many of them anytime soon!  Still, I was tired from the week of news and appointments and recovering from surgery.  I hate to admit it but it was nice not to really have any plans.

I have learned this week how amazing my friends are.  It's overwhelming the support and love and caring that I have received this week.  I am someone pretty private and I take care of myself.  Knowing that I am not going through this process myself is so comforting and gives me the support to keeping pushing through.  Each and everyone of my friends have their own unique quality and strength and I know just who to turn to when I need something particular.  I am so very blessed to have so many wonderful people to take this journey with me.  Could I do it alone?  Of course.  No doubt.  But knowing I don't have to and I won't, makes this journey easier and hopefully with a few laughs along the way.

I have it pretty easy this week.  No more appointments or procedures until Friday.  I'm hoping to have a pretty normal week of getting up early and swimming (or kayaking), working full days, and doing something every evening.  That's more like me!  I'm not sure when my treatments will start (8/15 or 8/22) but when they do, I'm sure I will be wishing to have a week like this one when it's just my typical busy week!

Meeting the Oncologist

Today I met the oncologist.  One of many who will be part of my treatment team.  I felt like the experience was almost like on-line dating.  I had checked out his professional profile and picture prior to meeting him.  He was reviewing all of my records and my medical history.  I went to the appointment with some of the same apprehension of meeting a date for the first time.  The entire appointment I was sizing him up and thinking if I wanted to see him again.  I'm sure he was trying to figure out what kind of patient I would be as well.  In the end, I really liked him.  He was smart, and kind, and up front with the treatment choices and why decisions were made the way they were.

The appointment today made everything really real.  Before meeting the oncologist, there was a theory about what the future held.  Now there are prescriptions and treatment plans and appointments to be made.  Although I have another couple of weeks before all of my treatments begin, I am beginning to face what the future will bring and how my life may be modified due to the treatments.  A continuous infusion means no swimming for a while.  Starting my day with radiation treatments brings a whole new meaning to being a morning person.  I really do have cancer and I do have an incredible journey ahead of me.  At least it's Friday!

Getting Organized

One of my best life skills is organization and scheduling, though scheduling doctor's appointments around work schedules and other appointments is a bit challenging.  Not only do I need to follow up with the surgeon, but also a radiation oncologist and a medical oncologist.  They are all in the same office building and you would think I could just go once and get all 3 done.  Alas, no such luck!  But all the appointments are scheduled and I am well on my way to getting everything coordinated.


As much as I love Google calendar and everything electronic, I decided to go old school for all my appointments and scheduling and planning for this journey.  I'm actually going to get a paper calendar.  I know it's crazy but there is something about crossing off days and being able to count down on paper.  This evening I plan to go out and find me the cutest little calendar I can find and begin the tracking and the counting.  Sure, there are going to be a lot more struggles ahead than just planning but for me, having everything planned seems to make everything else so much more manageable.

The Start

I had no intention of setting off on this incredible journey. None at all. I was more on a journey to improve my health. My stomach had been bothering me for some time and I had the routine tests completed and all of them were negative. At first I thought it was just me and I was about to give up on feeling better. But as my symptoms got worse and were interrupting my life, I decided it was time for a colonoscopy. No one wants a colonoscopy or to go through the prep but for me, it was no worse than what I was already going through and if it could bring me resolution to my condition, it was worth it.

So, on July 19, I had a colonoscopy at age 37. I fully planned for the doctor to tell me they didn't see anything during the colonoscopy. Instead, a rectal mass was found. Rectal mass? How is this possible? I couldn't believe the news. I was too young and too healthy to have a mass. The next couple of days were crazy with blood work and CT scans and a doctor's appointment with a colon-rectal surgeon. After seeing the surgeon, things seemed much calmer. It was 50/50 chance it would be cancer. The mass would be removed and further pathology would be completed to obtain a final diagnosis.

On July 26, I had surgery to remove the mass. I was fully prepared for the mass to not be cancer and for this to be the end of the journey. I was shocked to find out I had cancer. Shocked. I never thought it was possible. It just couldn't be. Once the news settled, there was a discussion on the treatment plan. The treatment takes about 9 months. 6 weeks of chemo and radiation, resting for 10 weeks and then surgery to remove the cancerous area. Then more chemo and more surgery 12 weeks after the first surgery. It was almost too much to absorb. In fact, I barely remember anything the surgeon told me beyond I have cancer.

So now I am on an incredible journey. One that I had never intended to take off on, but one I will embrace and attack in the same manner I do anything else in life. I'll take it one day at a time and do my best to get through it. I am sure there will be ups and downs and everything in between. This blog is about my incredible journey.