They say having cancer teaches you to live life to the fullest and appreciate all the little things in life. I have always felt that I have lived my life to the fullest. I have learned through this journey, though, that my definition of fullest may have been a bit off. By fullest, I believed it was having a full calendar. In the past, I used to study my Google calendar carefully to make sure there was no down time. If there were multiple things to do in one day, somehow I would figure out how to make it work. That's living life to the fullest, right?
Well, I guess my definition of fullest has evolved in the short time I have been diagnosed with cancer. To me, living life to the fullest is changing to really being there. I used to see on a co-worker's office door, a sign that stated, "Be Here Now." I have repeated those words to myself many times when studying or in class or a meeting when my mind drifted. I think I can now take that phase to the next level. I understand now that it's not just a physical presence to life but a full engagement.
I was at a friends' wedding this weekend and so happy to be there. I had taken a break from the dance floor and found myself thinking about life and my options at that moment. I could continue to sit and watch the dancing and be present at the wedding, or I could participate and continue to dance and truly experience the fun of the day and be part of my friends' wedding. I got up to dance and danced the rest of the night away with a new understanding of what it is to really live life to the fullest. My feet were really sore on the way home but it was worth it!
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